Quarante huit jours.

It’s amazing how young I am, and yet I’ve realized how much my parents can say I told you so already. I’m a month away from my second year of college and this summer has been such a roller coaster ride.

I don’t know if you’ve read any books by Sarah Dessen, but almost everyone of her books is about a female character that hits a catalytic point in her life and comes to a realization of where she stands in the big picture of things, generally something is going on where she’s angry with her mom or herself or some major familial aspect of her life. She either doesn’t have a boyfriend, is just getting out of a serious relationship, or just got out of a potentially (or definitely) hazardous relationship, and she’s always feeling lost for no reason. I’m pretty sure my summer started out this way. I was so lost leaving school, which is actually really funny because I was horribly miserable for the first semester, to the point where we considered me coming home to go to school here (I’m really, really glad I didn’t do that). And Kevin broke my heart. I wish there were a less… I hate to say cliché, but cliché way to say that. But I have no way to explain how that felt. It’s like… The most amount of emotional pain that someone can have without crossing that line between sane and insane, I’m pretty sure. And it’s been about six weeks, and I still feel horribly lost sometimes without him, or being in any relationship.  

Anyway, by the end of Sarah’s books, the main character generally ends up with some crazy ass job (I’ll explain the candy shop in just a second, it totally feels like one of the jobs in Sarah’s book) with workers that are just hilarious, wise people that come out of nowhere and they either feel so confident in themselves that they realize that being in a relationship is not what they need, or they fall in love with this really fantastic guy of their unrealized dreams. I… Have the crazy job, and if I’m going to fall in love with anyone, I’m hoping it’s at school after this feeling of ‘Man, I really wish I weren’t alone, maybe Kevin’ll come back’ would go away. I don’t know if it’ll ever go away, I don’t think people ever REALLY leave you when you know them for such a long time in such an intimate way.

Or, if I’m going to be in a relationship, I’d want to be in love with someone like; http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/17386/152864 Adam Young. I have this faith in who he is as a person, except that he’s opening several times for John Mayer, who’s at a horribly disgusting low in his life right now, and Adam is not. He’s a light in the world with a great sense of humor and optimism. In a perfect world, right?

But, anyway, what I meant when I said earlier about the ‘I told you so’-s. I’m house and dog sitting right now, and I’m pretty sure that this job has been way more of a struggle than it should. I’m watching a cat, who is very feisty and not de-clawed. I’ve received several bloody scratches from her, some of which actually required bandaging, and she’s just trying to play. I’m also really bad at scolding animals. I’d be horrible at training a dog. I think almost everything they do is adorable. Almost.  One of the dogs I’m sitting for is 13, and I have to feed him medication twice a day and try and get him to eat because he’s just… Old. Sometimes he become incontinent, which is… Fun. And he’s having a hard time going up and down stairs. I honestly feel like I shouldn’t leave the house in case something horrible was to happen. The other dog is a husky who was abused. I had to come over twice before the owner left for vacation for the dog to get used to my scent without making eye contact to gain her trust. I love her, now she won’t really leave me alone, and she’s a huge chicken. It’s stormed everyday (which is secretly awesome because now I don’t have to put pants on to go water the plants outside) and Sadie, the husky, is afraid of loud sounds. So we snuggled and hugged it out for about an hour yesterday while the power flickered on and off.

I’m just learning all of the responsibilities of living by myself this week; which is such a party. I really miss college, and I’m excited to go back to studying really hard and my mom actually paying for my food, and only being responsible for school. Only 48 more days until I’m back with my incredible Kaitlin on our epic adventure towards a college degree.

And medical school… (Cue pianississimo adventure music with slow crescendo.) My future is bright.

Catch up, Ketchup.

I’m going to have to be a little honest everyone; I am no longer a white American busser at a Mexican restaurant. Actually, I haven’t officially quit my job, but I’m calling my manager later today to break the news. It’s summer time, and I’ve been working a second job for my cousin who owns a candy store, and honestly it’s a much better job.

So much in my life has changed since I’ve last talked to you guys, how has everyone survived without knowing so much about my life? I’ve been to college. I went in majoring in Psychology with a minor in music, switched to a double major in Psychology and Criminal Justice with a minor in music, switched my minor to biomedical sciences, and now I’m majoring in Cell and Molecular Biology with a minor in Psychology. I’m basically a pre-medical major, I just like saying ‘Cell and Molecular Biology’ and watching people get queasy. Thankfully, this major has nothing to do with biology, I don’t even have to take the introductory Bio class.

I’m rooming with the greatest miracle in my life; Kaitlin. Around the time I last started blogging, I met Kaitlin online through the University, and never have I found someone that is so much like me. I can’t even begin to explain how much our lives match. She lives in the middle of nowhere, loves to play music more than almost anyone I know, she’s a photography major who’s taking 21 credit hours (I know.) and playing in the marching band. She has no drama in her life, and we spend every second together (very exaggerated, especially right now, because it’s summer time). We thoroughly enjoy going on adventures, Happy Meal toys, and diving into fountains illegally. She’s one of the greatest gifts in my life.

That boy I dated for so long is no longer in the picture, leaving me to deal with my first ever broken heart. It’s the worst experience that I’ve ever had to deal with, because it never seems to go away. I dream almost every night about him coming back and telling me he misses me. We’ve stopped talking completely, after being friends for years. I feel pretty awful too, he’s going through a rough time with his family and now… Has no one to turn to. I’m just too afraid of falling in love with him again to grow a pair and help him out. It hurts every day. But I have some pretty fabulous college friends that have seriously helped ease the pain, I’ve never been so grateful to have great friends.

I’m still really short. I just got all of my hair whacked off last night by an up-and-coming haircutting star named Kayla, she’s putting purple low-lights in it on Monday, and I’m really excited. I also have this incredibly kick-ass tan going on. Apparently if you lay in the same position in the sun for hours at a time and burn over and over and over, your body looks great. Well, maybe not your body, but your tan is awesome. We’re working on the body thing. I’ve got five weeks left until my triumphant return to college, I think I can trim down a little. Wish me luck.

My life has been relatively null and void of magic. There are days where I still see it in great people, but not as much anymore. I often see it in helping others. My cousin, the daughter of the woman I work for, was a huge help in the whole heartbreak process. We’ve compiled this list of things that I’m going to do to occupy my life (because heartbreak can only be cured through distractions, apparently), and that list (as well as my cousin, Lex) is pretty full of magic. I’m going to be a very accomplished woman someday in my life. I’ll speak three languages, play the piano, be able to run two miles without collapsing (so not going to happen.), I’ll be well read, and become extraordinarily obsessed with a random band I’ve never chosen to listen to. We decided on the Rolling Stones. I’m a huge fan, now. (Random fact; I’m listening to the Ting-Ting’s right now.) I’ve also listened to more Muse this summer than I ever have in my life, which is pretty awesome. I highly recommend their album; H.A.A.R.P. as well as the band The Feeling. You might remember them from the song ‘Sewn’ from 2006, or ‘Fill My Little World’. They’re strictly British (I can’t even find their music on Amazon, which is tragic.) but really awesome. Also, Cartel is pretty awesome. (I’m now listening to ‘Say Anything (Else)’ by them.)

Hmmm… Other things that have happened in my life… I’ve learned that I can rock a mean pair of skinny jeans because of my rather chicken legs. I have a very enjoyable celebrity crush on Adam Young from Owl City, who I get to go see in September. I’m going to start donating plasma so that my friends and I can take a trip to California before I go and study in France for a semester (I can’t even tell you how excited I am for that.), and I’d really enjoy getting my nose pierced, we’ll see how that goes.

Oh! I own my own business. I make paper stars into jewelry or fill jars with them and sell them online. It’s actually a really sweet gig. I’ve been working on stars for weddings right now, my hope is that they’re a huge hit. I’m making them by the thousands (literally.), and if this doesn’t work, I’ve had requests for stars for Breast Cancer awareness (I’m a bad ass.). Anyway, it’s a really awesome ‘job’, which is actually a hobby with benefits. (Self-promotion; check me out! http://www.etsy.com/shop/Joyce013)

I think that’s all for now, folks. I’m going to go burn some CDs and sticker some bags for the candy shop. (More promotion; facebook search ‘Sweeties – Home of Very Best Cookies’ and order a box of cookies to have shipped to someone you love dearly. Or me.)

I hope everyone has a great day. Do something good.

Gallbladders, Anxiety, College, and Fireflies.

Dear world, I know it’s been a while since our last chat and quite a bit has happened. I no longer work at the fabulous (yet not so fabulous) mexican restaurant in the title of my blog. I’ll figure out a way to change that. And I went away to college. I’m at a university that is three and a half hours away from my home and two and a half hours away from Kevin, my long distance boyfriend of two years. I have just completed my first semester of college and I have one week left of my break and during this break I’ve had five doctors appointments, my gallbladder removed, I’m having oral surgery soon, and getting my hair dyed a beautiful chocolate brown. These last two weeks have been very eventful.

Also, I have an anxiety problem. I’ll get to that some other time though. I just thought I’d catch you guys up on the basics of my life first. The real point of this blog is for me to tell you about this band I came upon last year. It’s made up of mainly one man, Adam Young, who has composed this electronica-awesomeness music. The band is called Owl City. Kevin showed them to me when Adam came out with the song ‘Fuzzy Blue Lights’ on his second album; Of June. We would listen to it when we missed each other over and over again. It was our first real song together. It wasn’t until that spring that I bought all of his albums and singles and fell madly in love with his music and view of life. Adam is such a happy, peaceful person and I can hear it in his music. It’s the music I put in my ears when I wake up in the middle of the night after a nightmare and everything gets better. I’m now a member of Adam’s street team, hoping that I can give more people a story like mine and Kevin’s, or even just introduce them to Adam’s great music so they have something to dance too. And maybe they’ll do the same.

That’s all I have for now. I may blog some more later, I’m watching The Return of the King with my mum, cat, and stuffed recovery pig from surgery yesterday. Have a good night everyone.

Argentina Is That Way!

So, I’ve been wondering lately if you can just decide you love someone. Like one day, you wake up and it scares you to be without someone, but all circumstances are against you… Well, most circumstances anyway. You just don’t want to try life without them, but that’s such a major decision like… I don’t know. I don’t want to give someone my heart like this, because if something horrible happens along the way and he falls in love with someone else (or I fall in love with someone else), I’ve given my heart away and it’s… Not whole anymore. How suck would that be?

I should stop thinking so much.

Hmm… I have a fun work story. I know I don’t have many of those, which was what this blog was supposed to be, but that’s ok. I don’t have many rules. This story is about a beautiful little girl named Madeline. Her family, which was about 20 people, came to the restaurant one day to celebrate Madeline’s grandmother’s birthday. They were distinguishable because the grandmother was like… 5″0 and weighed 95 lbs, and looked like she was just… I don’t know, like she couldn’t be satisfied by anything but success.. You could tell this whole damned family was dysfunctional… except for Madeline. She was just satisfied.

To explain how the day started out, we (me and a server named Brian, who doesn’t work there anymore but he was pretty much the coolest, most idiotic person ever) had a problem with working this table right when I got to work. Brian had only been a server for a few weeks and the Managers didn’t want to give him more then 21 seats, so they were going to give him a section of four 4-tops and a 5-top (which is actually 21-seats), but they wouldn’t let him have this 20-top party. Background information on Brian – he was fired from a Maggiano’s for having temper problems which means two things. 1.) He’s got experience from Maggiano’s which means he’s a good server (and he was rather good-looking, if I do say so myself), and 2.) He has a temper problem.

Brian almost got fired that morning because he got pissed off at our manager, Donna, and yelled at her about not getting enough seats. Now, it takes a lot for Donna to get mad, and Donna was just… pissed. Thankfully, Brian was given the party and he got to keep his job and together Brian and I made a good amount of money. And I got to meet Madeline.

So, the family got there, and I was folding origami. I do that a lot. Chips were already on their table because we knew they were coming. Madeline’s mother, who’s a manager at Forever 21, had a lot of requests. She wanted to move the party on the deck, she wanted the music from the front played in the back (because for some reason the restaurant plays really old pop music in the back rooms and John Mayer in the front. Because of the ambiance. No joke.), and she wanted the temperature changed. I think Mark, the GM, was really tired of seeing this woman by the end of the day. But I learned something from her, if you’re nice through all of the requests people will be nice to you and tip you more. And you get to hang out with Madeline.  I also remember this party because I got to eat cake. Cake just makes everything better, ok? If you’re going to a restaurant and you have a cake, leave a piece for the servers and bussers. 

Now, Madeline wasn’t even… a huge part of the story (which isn’t entirely a story), she was just awesome. She was about up to my hip with long red hair and freckles all over her face and that little-girl-smile that makes your heart squirm with happiness. She was with her two cousins and I made them paper stars, and we hung out a little bit. At one point, she came over with a piece of paper that said, “Will you be my best friend? Yes … No.” Of course, I circled yes and asked her the same question. And then her cousin asked me if I loved him, and I said sure, and this pattern continued for a good two hours. We just had fun.

Stephen King said something in “The Shining”, “Small children are great accepters. They don’t understand shame, or the need to hide things.” What he should add to that, is that they just… know. They’re so honest and … I guess pure is a good word for them. They’re happy, or sad, or excited, or angry without any complication. They just are. Madeline was so happy when I gave her that paper star and said I wanted to be her friend. She hugged me before she left. 

How pure is that?

End of story; party was a success, the mother (who was freaking out the whole time about how good the party was) was relieved and left cake, and I made a new friend. End of story moral; leave cake, and be nice.

Two-Dollar Bills

Ok, so I actually have a cool work story this time. I was working Monday night in a room I’ve only worked in one other time, which was a scary thing because I didn’t know how to close correctly, but it turned out to be ok. So, generally on Monday’s people don’t want to eat mexican food. It’s like a law somewhere. Apparently, last Monday was ‘Everyone-Eat-Mexican-Food’ Day and I got new tables until about 10 o’clock; which is unheard of. 

Now, let me set up for you my week so you can understand where I am in my head while serving these people. I have two college-credit term papers due this week (each worth 2/3 of my grade for the semester, I’m turning the second one in tomorrow), a test that determines whether or not I graduate (totally passed it today!), my father has a paralyzed diaphragm (he’s going to be fine), my great uncle Bill passed away along with the family dog (Freckle), I had a band concert on Wednesday, the ACT on Saturday (as well as work), and a band performance on Sunday. I’m totally fried when it comes to being not-stressed. I cleaned tables for 6.5 hours and there were two reasons it was worth it.

1.) I got paid. I got my 56$ paycheck and another 65$ in tips. 50 from my room and the other’s because I helped the bartender and patio waitresses. This was amazing, seeing that I have no money.

2.) I had another one of those tables that just touch you. I really do believe that magik is real, you just find it when you need it the most or you’re most open to seeing it. It’s not like fairy-magik, it’s things/people that catch your attention at the weirdest times. This table was one of them.

They were a couple that came in after the kitchen closed at about 9:45, which made me mad at them to start with because I can’t leave until they do. So, I bussed the whole room and folded silverware (which is really the servers job, but I’m awesome and I love the people I work with… And it gives me a chance to eat), and these people sipped margaritas and talked. After a while, everyone but them had left and I was cleaning my last table, secretly sending bad vibes at them and their margaritas, and they called me over. 

The man apologized sincerely for coming in so late and promised to leave, and you could tell he meant it. So I told him it was no big deal, I had to clean my station anyway and that will take a while, they really didn’t need to rush (I was secretly convincing myself too). He thanked me and then asked me where I went to school, what grade I was in, and what I was going to do after. I told him I was going to a university to do a dual-major in French and Music Education and both he and his wife were over-joyed.

And let me just say, I love artistic people. The man was a minister and was once a music teacher, he and his wife spent months on the Seine river on their friends winery. We talked about Paris and music and they said they were very proud I was going into a well distinguished program and choosing to go to Graduate school and going into Music and French. They offered to take me with them, back to the winery, and I would be their interpreter. And you could tell that they were the best of friends too, they shared everything with each other; their joy, their travels, everything.

I eventually went back to cleaning, and the man came back in the kitchen when he and his wife were ready to leave, and gave me a two-dollar bill. He said he wanted to make sure I got something, and wished me good luck in the rest of my life.

I think good people are magikal. That couple really helped me get through the night, and they’ve helped me get through this week, simply because they were nice.

Moral of the story; just be nice.

The Relationship Between Pants and Starfish

Ok, now that I hardly work at my mexican restaurant the title of this blog makes me sad I miss my job and my annoying yet funny friends from work. 

Stupid school. It’s a shame I’m going to be a student for like… the rest of my life. I guess it’s not such a bad thing though, you know? Learning is the gateway to a better life. And I like being well educated. It makes arguing more fun, and watching movies on people in the bible belt down south very frustrating. They make my education look glamorous.

Hmmm… I don’t have much to say really, I just feel lame without adding to this blog. People actually read it now to keep up with my life, I feel obligated to keep them informed. But guys, there’s not much to tell. I’ve got all the school work my college credit classes could push on me which is about two 10 paged, 400 point research papers, a 400 point sociology project, the ACT (again…) and the United States Constitution test. So… that’s my life for like a week and a half, and then we’re going to start reviewing for finals and the Missouri Constitution test and HALF OF MY SENIOR YEAR WILL BE OVER.

Not that I’m celebrating or anything…

Other then all of this schoolness… I’m broke because I’ve bought everyone christmas presents. I guess having money makes me feel like I have to spend it on other people so I do it all the time. It justifies the spending, I believe.

I’ve stopped drinking soda. And for those of you that don’t know, excessive amounts of stress coupled with pre-calculus and coca cola generally ends in a colonoscopy and a lot of nausea. I don’t suggest you put yourself through it. But that was last year, this year it’s just making me sick to my stomach so… I’m cutting the stuff and switching to Black and White Arizona tea. Which is pretty much crack cocaine, but healthier.

Ermm… I love christmas. Excessively. Our band concert is next wednesday and I’m stoked because we’re playing all christmas music. This is also the candy-cane (which goes well with tea…), watching-all-christmas-movies season. It’s pretty much perfect. Just cold.

I think that’s really it, for today. No cool story, I think. Just an update. Ta!

West Memphis Three

Ok, so my goal with this is to inform whoever feels the need to read this blog about this court case in Arkansas that is still going on today. Three boys (who are now between the ages of 33-35) named Damien Echols, Jessie Misskelley, and Jason Baldwin were arrested for the murder and sexual mutilation of three little boys.

The three boys were raped, mutilated and murdered somewhere unknown, bound by shoelaces and thrown into a river and washed up on a bank where they were found. It has been read in trial that the amount of blood caused by the wounds on all three was too much blood to hide and was away in the dark, which proves they couldn’t have been killed at the scene the West Memphis three were accused of. There was no blood found at the crime scene.

In there original trial, there was no evidence presented.

A ‘confession’ from Jessie Misskelley was played. It was a 45 minute recording, the actual police interview lasted 12 hours. Jessie Misskelley has the IQ of 72. He’s legally mentally handicapped.

Two girls, school girls who were like… 13. Said they saw Damien and Jason talking about how they murdered the three boys but didn’t remember anything else about the day they did. They also didn’t report it to the police.

There were a consistent bite marks all over the three boys, that was later tested after conviction in the first trial and never filed as hard-evidence, that didn’t match any of the boys dental records.

Damien Echols was sentenced with three counts of second-degree murder and given the death penalty (he’s still alive though, the case is continued today, and Damien was denied his latest plea for appeal in September), Jason Baldwin was sentenced to lief in prison with three counts of second-degree murder, and Jessie Misskelley was sentenced with life plus forty years for participating but not murdering.

This is a really biased website, but it provides a lot of facts about the case; http://wm3.org/ but it provides a lot of the facts and the most recent updates in the case.  And for an unbiased opinion, watch the video ‘Paradise Lost’ by HBO productions. We watched it and the sequel in my sociology class, because we’re discussing deviance and crime right now. And this case is ridiculous.

I highly suggest reading the case stuff. It’s interesting and it’ll drive you crazy with the need to fix it.

Ta!

Barack Obama

I’m sure I’m one of millions of people posting this right now, but I’d like to make a note somewhere in my life that we are living in a time that was unthinkable 40 years ago. I just watched (on the Daily Show + Steven Colbert of all places) the first black man, who I believe is also the better candidate, in American History become President of the United States of America. 

I lived during that. I’ve watched him not-entirely closely, but enough to know he really existed (and I’ve had a lot of faith in him) since he ran in Illinois because my dad made a big deal about how cool this guy is and now he’s president of the United States. He’s my president. 

I’ve never been excited to see what our government does in the next four years, and I can safely say that I am now. I love the difference he brings, socialist or not.

Can I point out that no one should really care if you’re a ‘socialist’ or a ‘capitalist’, you should really just care about how the country is economically screwed over and we need to fix that and keep people above the poverty line at the same time. Who cares if other countries “envy our countries capitalism” (which I think was John McCain’s quote) if people in this capitalistic country are stuck in poverty. Doesn’t matter.

Pardon my opinion.

CONGRATULATIONS, BARACK OBAMA! I’M SO PROUD OF YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS, AND I’M EXCITED FOR YOU TO BE OUR PRESIDENT!!

Igor Stravinsky

“In order to create there must be a dynamic force, and what force is more potent than love?” 

I wonder what kind of love Mr. Stravinsky was talking about, because I don’t hear many great love stories that don’t involve people marrying for reasons other then love. I don’t even know how to decide to marry someone, but I’ve only had one truly amazing relationship. I wonder who Mr. Stravinsky composed for, if it inspired him to create his music passionately. I wonder if he ever told the person he loved that his music was for them.

See, I’ve been thinking about love a lot lately and age. I know being a teenager isn’t old yet, but people generally get married within then ten years from right now. And I’m like… old enough to think about it, I guess. Weird, yeah? Who knows what to do…

Around The World.

There’s no real significance to the title of this blog. I’m listening to ‘Around The World’ by Daft Punk and… it’s obviously the first thing that came to my mind.

You know how I said that I hate thinking of blogs like diaries? I failed to mention that I have slightly hypocritical tendancies. (Don’t you love saying ‘Hypocritical’? It’s so big. When you use it, it makes you sound so… bitchin’.) I’m going to write this entry as a… sort of diary entry for an update of my life again and it’s going to end up going into a story about something with a moral in the end.

Um… Well, marching band is almost over. For those of you who don’t know, I’m going to University to major in French and Music Education because I’m weird and apparently have no desire to ever make money in my life. This season has… kind of drivin’ me crazy, and for the record, I wouldn’t march next year if I wasn’t graduation. I guess I should send Griffin a ‘thank-you’ card for his timing.

HA! I found my story; Griffin.

Griffin is my ex-music teacher and at one point I believed, heart and soul, that he was this… Fantastic person. We were alike in many ways, I think. We both feel music, we both have a strong moral basis… I don’t know. I’d like to believe we were friends. Under his influence, we created a marching band program my sophomore year of high school that expanded into this… family. It stemmed a competitive drum line and winter guard and gave all of us the opportunity to expand musically. When he came, he set out a three year plan that he talked about all the freaking time and in this time we’d become this incredible marching band and be a threat to competitors.

He left for a bigger school in year two of the three year plan.

Look, I can understand the need for success. I really can. I’m currently enrolled in a high school with less then 260 people in it, and the web of community is focused on this school. About 3/4 of the kids that go to my school come from parents that went to and met their spouses at this school back in the day. Shit you not. I can understand wanting more.

But not if you step on people to get there and show no heart about it. At all. It kind of shakes things up, especially when I thought he had such a great moral base. You know? 

So almost everyday since then I’ve had a conversation with him in my head about all the same things we used to, and almost everyday I get mad at him for leaving me with the stress of being a Drum Major of a band that doesn’t want to do it. Hell, I don’t want to do it. And it’s his fault. He made me fall in love with it, and then he took it away deliberately for himself. I’ll see him for the first time in almost half a year next week on my senior night.

Moral -> Keep your promises. Don’t step on people to get what you want. You hurt people that trust and love you. That’s bad.